


Ambivalent

by Syllis



Series: Underpinnings [4]
Category: Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Genre: Blow Jobs, Come Eating, Developing Relationship, Frottage, Kink Negotiation, Kinktober 2019, M/M, Masturbation, idk they fuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-13
Updated: 2019-10-13
Packaged: 2020-12-07 22:09:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20983169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Syllis/pseuds/Syllis
Summary: It's been a long and boring week for Cyrelian, who wants nothing more than to come home to Ahtar. When Cyrelian shows up early, he's a little puzzled by Ahtar's lack of welcome... until he gets a little something more than he anticipated.Could've been a hell of a homecoming, but instead of getting angry, Cyrelian finds something new to enjoy.





	Ambivalent

“Yes!” I crowed, jubilant to see Ahtar; I had been waiting all week for this! “Master Tolfdir said that since we ran through all of the material he had prepared, and we were all hitting our marks, that we might as well take an early week-end. The others all had plans to travel, so I thought--” I gamboled around Ahtar, the laundry-cart and its patient dray-horse, and our dusty little yard, until I caught a glimpse of his impassive face.

Ahtar’s dark eyes reflected back nothing. 

My words trailed off with my enthusiasm. “What’s wrong?”

Ahtar cleared his throat, uncomfortable with me in this moment. “Nothing. Oughta get back to work.”

But Ahtar didn’t move from his spot to get back to said work. He was still standing there, looking right back at me; and the set of his hands and shoulders was equally ambivalent. Ahtar was both pleased and displeased to see me.

“I don’t have anything to do right now. So if you need my help--” I gestured towards the cart, stacked up with bags of laundry from the Frozen Hearth.

Ahtar’s chin jerked: he didn’t not want my company, but-- I took another step forward, and Ahtar retreated. He did not want me near him. This was curious. Rather than dwell on it, I grabbed two of the heavy bags and carried them along through the double doors into Erdi’s latest little venture: a public laundry. Once Ahtar and I had gotten the entire cart unloaded and the various garments and linens sorted out into the various soaking-tubs for Ranmir, I turned to go back outside.

Ahtar stopped me: “You want to get a bath?”

“Me?” I said, taken aback. “No. Why? Do I need another one already?” Discreetly, I sniffed at myself. This was even odder; I was the one with the keen nose and all that I could smell was damp from the hot-water tubs and the herbs from my own soap. “I just put a fresh shirt less than an hour ago.” Only fools didn’t wash-and-change after a stint working in Master Colette’s Alchemy lab. 

But maybe it was Ahtar who wanted-- “Weren’t you able to get cleaned up after arms practice?” I asked, curious. But that didn’t seem right. Ahtar hadn’t missed a shave, and when I looked at his shirt-cuff I noticed it wasn’t the one that he usually wore under his gambeson; in any event, if Ahtar were fresh out of armor I would have noticed that stink by now.

“Look. I just feel like taking a fucking bath, all right? Something wrong with that?”

My eyes widened at Ahtar’s sudden hostility. 

Just then Haran came in with her daughter and another couple of ladies and their little girls. They headed past the laundry, headed for the baths. Turdas-evening being ladies’ night. Ahtar growled annoyance.

“Well, it looks like we’re a little late for that. We could just go up and get our supper ready, maybe?”

“Yeah,” Ahtar acceded, still tense. “Supper’d be good.”

I followed him up to our dwelling, wondering.

As soon as we got inside, I latched the door, and-- Ahtar stepped away from me. “Are you all right?” I asked.

“Ah-- just give me a few. Nose is running.” Ahtar rubbed his face. Now that was a lie. Ahtar hadn’t been sniffling.

“D’you think I care, after all those weeks we spent in the swamps of Hjaalmarch?” I soothed. “You know I live for your kisses.” My arm went to loop around his waist as I leaned towards him, and showed myself willing to placate him by kissing face or neck. Ahtar continued to back away from me, face set taut.

My nostrils twitched. I am not such a fool as to fail to recognize that scent; so I already knew. Damn him. I took a breath or two and then exhaled, to dispel the flood of that vile emotion; it would not help. 

“Just gonna wash my face,” he said, evasive.

“Not just yet you’re not.” I stepped in front of him. “What’s going on with you?” 

Ahtar tried to shoulder past me to get to our kitchen wash-basin.

“Say the word and I’ll just find someplace else to go tonight,” I warned. “I am not putting up with any more of this equivocal nonsense from you.” I backed away a couple of steps and folded my arms. “Well?” I challenged. “Do I stay or go?”

My voice had shifted, slightly. There are two modes of speech, in Altmeris; the soft tones of friend-to-friend, words spoken in-house or to a trusted companion. The gentle voice of lover to beloved. And then there is the outdoor voice, and the one you hear spoken in the schools and the governmental buildings and the military; and beyond that, the voice of command. Though I was fairly certain that the Thalmor do not intend for one to put one’s training towards such purposes; it is... So very useful, on so many varied occasions.

Ahtar heard it: his eyes glinted. “Why?” Ahtar demanded right back, his voice gone rough. “If you stay, are you gonna get all sulky with me?”

Oho, so that’s where we were.

My heart slammed up against the roof of my mouth as my pulse reacted, spiking high. My heartbeat resounded through flushed-to-tip ears; and pounding in my chest and groin. I felt my tongue run its way along my teeth of its own accord.

“I could,” I hazarded. I knew what he was asking. I was still a bit clumsy at it.

Ahtar moistened his own lips. “Erdi’s not comin’ home tonight. She’s still in Dawnstar.” Mesmerized, I couldn’t look away from that wet gleam. Would his mouth still carry the dense plush heat of the middle of the night, when we would wake only to twine around each other, and gasp? Or would his breath flow cool over my heated skin? 

“So. Yeah,” Ahtar was saying. “Right now.”

Ahtar has made it expressly clear: no one is to touch his locs of hair. So I grabbed two handfuls of it, and smacked his head up against the dining-room wall’s support post. Ahtar took a quick breath through his nose and turned his head aside so that I couldn’t reach him, though it must have dragged mercilessly at his hair.

Ahtar’s hand clenched atop my arm. His gaze remained averted, presenting the curve of his shoulder to me. “Stay angry,” he whispered, into the wall.

I took a step to roll my body up against his, and hip-checked him off-balance, hard enough to make him inhale. “I need no reminders,” I snapped, irritated. Who was he, to do this to me?

Ahtar’s body pressed back against mine eagerly-- he was burgeoning-hard. I took another half-step for balance to straddle his thigh, rocking against him for that sweet pressure, letting my thigh service him as well. Ahtar grunted. When Ahtar’s face remained adamantly turned away from mine, I lowered my mouth to his neck and began to mouth at him, kissing and biting. Droplets beaded up along his hairline and dribbled downwards; when I lapped at it, he flinched again, his shame tasting just as good as the metallic tang of his sweat. 

Faux shame; real shame-- there were too many layers here, and I wasn’t certain that this sword wasn’t twisting out of my grip. Our hips rolled as I savored that thick hot pulse between his thighs, working myself against him, my hand twisting to pull his hair ever-tauter, as his breath began to spool out of him in long groans. I inhaled again, to savor Ahtar while he trembled; and wasn’t that a glorious hot wind, rising up from ground to burn through us? 

I had to draw back a little. I took a breath. “What in Oblivion is wrong with you?”

Ahtar didn’t respond at first. He took heavy breaths through his mouth. His gaze flicked to me; away. Sweat continued to trickle down over his face.

“Look at me.” I released Ahtar’s hair and pushed him back against the support post again, hard. His head turned, but his eyelids had drifted shut. He shook his head, breath shuddering. I had never, ever seen Ahtar this embarrassed: 

“Oh, fuck. I’m sorry. Sorry. Didn’t mean to get you angry.” More desperately: “I didn’t know you was gonna come home today, I never would have done it.”

“Never would’ve done what?” I demanded, my voice sharp. I couldn’t tell if he were panting or sobbing; if it were tears or sweat that painted his face now. My hands tightened against the swell of his arms. Oblivion take it, if Ahtar’d lost his way in this storm; we were both going to be scuttled, because I was wholly lost.

_ Look at me. _

Warily, Ahtar did. 

Of course I couldn’t resist. 

With a soft cry of contrition Ahtar gave up the kiss. 

“Ohhh! Gods!” I groaned, as my mouth flooded with salt-musky-bitter; the taste of it reverberated through me like a Shock spell, hot pressure rising up through me from the soles of my feet. I rocked down hard against his thigh, my hands pulling his hair in earnest now, sucking at his mouth and tongue. My own scoured at his lips, delving to the insides of his cheeks, his upper palate; it was a true devouring, and my hips jerked and I cried out as I spilled over.

\--

“Thought you would really would be mad at me,” Ahtar’s arm was still screening his eyes. He was lying on his back on the hearthside bed. We had both rid ourselves of our clothes. I was busy licking my way up his thighs; and then the angle of his hip. Another little hit; musk and salt and that inimitable sharp taste; when I crooned, Ahtar’s fingers brushed through my hair. “Love it when you make that noise.” 

I considered whether to express to Ahtar that I was angry or not; I had a tumult of emotions still flooding through me. But in that moment, what I most wanted to say was-- 

Oh, to Oblivion with it. 

My arms locked his hips down. I re-commenced sucking his cock. Ahtar took silent, deep breaths as I set the pace, lying down propped on my elbows half-draped over him like a blanket. One of his hands intermittently brushed at my thighs; my lower back. He stretched to trace the outlines of that damnable tattoo. The verge of his fingertip barely stirred the fine hairs along my lower spine, just at the cleft of my buttocks. 

I lifted off with a little gasp. “Not yet,” I requested, because I was curious about something. 

Ahtar settled back. 

I shifted position and went back to work with an almost clinical detachment, wondering: would sucking him be enough for me? Sometimes that alone could bring me. I had skin contact everywhere I wanted it, even along my prick, since my hips had his arm pinned down. I didn’t have any leverage to move, so...his arm muscles tightened as we went on; mmm. I had not accounted for that, and revised, accordingly. 

His hips jerked and drove his cock deeper into my throat. I adjusted, bringing my hand into play to move more quickly. When his taste started to change I growled and drew down, tugging pulse after pulse straight down into my throat, lessening as he slowed. 

_Mine._

The heat of that thought flashed all the way through me, even as I let him fall loose. 

I stole a few breaths, considering. Sometimes it is difficult, especially if I have already come, for me to discern whether I’d had my own pleasure or merely his. I could feel myself still hot and aching: it had not been enough. 

“Hey, ah, are you going to stay like that? It’s a little, ah--” 

Concerning, was the word that Ahtar had omitted. I was still crouched over him like a snarling dog guarding its food-bowl. Swiftly, I re-oriented myself to lie beside him, tucking my head against his shoulder. 

“D’you mind if I just--” It would be quicker, and right now I just needed-- my hips lifted. 

“Mmm. Go ahead,” Ahtar purred. “Love watching you. I love how you take your hand like that and just--” Ahtar knows what bed-talk does to me; he kept on in that vein as I worked and groaned until I finally spattered over both myself and him. 

“Leave it,” he advised. I couldn’t read his gaze- but then Ahtar wiped himself off with his hand and then pushing me down so that he could lick across my hip; my belly. 

I grunted, at the uncomfortable press of his full weight: “What’re you doing that for?” 

Ahtar put his fingers in his mouth, looking at me as he licked them clean. Then he kissed me. I groaned again, as I got my taste from him and his taste from me; I could not stop. Eventually his hand petted down my hair, and along my neck and spine, and I fell back, panting, lips and chin now stinging-tender. 

“Sorry,” Ahtar breathed, right there against my mouth. “I know you don’t ever wanna know about it, so I ah--” 

“You went down to the tavern for lunch and got more than you anticipated?” The tone of my voice surprised even me; so cooly amused, as if I didn’t care. “Please tell me if there might be any awkward social situations that I’m going to have to navigate.” 

Such as the excruciating moment when my vigilance had failed, and I’d sat down in the last open seat at the Frozen Hearth. Right next to Ahtar’s former lover; that pale-haired Nord man he’d damned near set up housekeeping with while I was still sick-- and had never told me about. What a pleasant evening’s conversation that had been; but at least I had become more fully advised. 

“Ahhh-- don’t think so.” Ahtar shifted around a bit. Was he blushing? It’s so hard to tell, but I thought the skin under his eyes had darkened somewhat. “Just ah, a pilgrim. On the way back from seeing Azura, having a drink while waiting for it to be time to get back on the boat.” 

“Mmhm. Dunmer?” My fingertips confirmed my suspicions, ha. His neck and ears were warm. 

“Nope, he was from Wrothgar. Nord, probably. Human, at least. I didn’t ask.” 

“Wasn’t sure. I know how you are, you and your elves. So--” I cleared my throat. Normally I was the opposite of curious, but this time-- my fingers tapped at him. 

Ahtar hesitated. “Wasn’t much. I just sucked him off while I--” He broke off. 

My breath hissed. I could see it; him on his knees before the man, suckling, his hand swiftly working. Gods, was I going to need to go for another round? I was already exhausted and chafed everywhere that mattered. I touched a sore spot, and winced. Yes, I definitely should have taken off our pants before rubbing like a mad thing against Ahtar’s leg. 

“I don’t like to get into all that,” Ahtar was saying. “Not if it’s just a quick thing.” His gaze darted towards me again. “What’re you thinking? I can’t tell, when you look at me like that.” 

“Hold on,” I murmured. “I’m still considering. This is all new ground for me, you know? I don’t have my feet under myself yet.” 

Well, I could always fall back on being all withdrawn and jealous, but… I ran my tongue over my teeth, recounting the taste and causing myself another jolt of sensation. Gods, I felt too good just now to get myself worked up over it. And perhaps there were more benefits to this situation than I had previously contemplated. 

“Maybe next time you should just tell me what you’ve been up to?” I went on, a little dreamily. “Because if I would’ve known--” 

Ahtar was still looking askance at me. Why was I not getting upset with him? 

“Next time,” I yawned-- because it was a virtual certainty that I would catch him again, no matter what troth he gave me. “Next time I’d like to know right away, please.” 

“Know what?” Ahtar scowled. “Are you fallin’ asleep?” 

“...because next time you come home filthy with another man’s spunk I’d like to be fucking you into the wall before I take your mouth,” I said, lazily. “Or have my legs wrapped around your back while you-- hmm...” Another yawn, this time so huge that it swallowed all my words. 

Now Ahtar was staring at me as if he’d never seen me before. 

With that I closed my eyes to let myself fall into sleep. Ah, gods, the possibilities. But Winterhold is such a small village, with so few opportunities. But, well-- I suppose I can always find some excuse necessitating us travelling to Dawnstar. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to [raunchyandpaunchy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/raunchyandpaunchy/pseuds/raunchyandpaunchy) for the beta'ing and [BawdyBean](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BawdyBean/pseuds/BawdyBean) and [FourCatProductions](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FourCatProductions) for all the extra help!


End file.
